Forgetting to Remember
by Wishful Thinker8
Summary: Spoilers for Man Down. Slash, RyanEric. Since Eric doesn't remember, Ryan will forget to remember as well.
1. Chapter 1

Ok, this is my first attempt at a Ryan/Eric fic. Please be kind.

Summary: Spoilers for "Man Down" Kinda takes an AU feel to it. Ryan goes to visit Eric after the case is closed.

Warnings: Spoilers for man down, slash

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. And, while I have not seen any other stories like this, this is my take on the idea; any resemblance to other stories is sheer coincidence.

'thoughts' "talking" ----------------: scene change

-------------'The day was not supposed to end like this' Ryan thought tiredly as he rubbed the back of his neck. The security guard that had shot Eric was being led away in handcuffs as he finally sat down in the chair next to Calleigh, who looked just as exhausted as he felt.

"That should not have ended like that," she murmured. "This whole situation is just wrong!" She emphasized this fact by hitting the table with her fist.

"Yeah" he agreed softly, anger now gone from him. "He tried to kill Eric because he wanted to pay off his car. How twisted is that?" Calleigh let out a quiet sigh.

"I just wish it was the worst thing I had ever heard." Ryan agreed with a small nod.

"I'm just happy that he's going to be okay." There was a somewhat tense silence for a few moments before Calleigh spoke up again.

"Ryan…I don't know if you realized it, but you kept calling Eric your partner during the interrogation" The younger CSI looked at her, slightly confused.

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, I didn't think you two were that close." The blonde noticed a hint of panic enter Ryan's hazel eyes.

"Uh….well…Calleigh, we've been getting along better" he stammered. "Gone out for a few beers, stuff like that."

"Uh huh" she replied, a grin creeping onto her face. "I have noticed that you two have been getting along better." She noticed now that his breathing had increased and that his hands that had been resting on the table were starting to shake slightly. Finally, she had decided that he had sweated enough. "Ryan, it's okay. I know" Calleigh said softly, placing one hand on top of his shaking ones. "I've known for awhile." He offered her a small smile.

"How?"

"Well, Eric isn't exactly subtle when he wants someone. When he finally looked happy and satisfied, I put 2 and 2 together" she explained, offering him a smile in reply. "Plus, you can practically see the jealousy rolling off him when someone flirts with you." He managed a quiet laugh before letting his head fall forward slightly.

"Does anyone else know?" The blonde CSI shook her head.

"Unless you two told anyone else, no one else knows."

"Ok, you and Alexx then" Ryan replied, taking in Calleigh's raised eyebrow. "What? You can't hide anything from that woman! And in my defense, she managed to get it out of Eric and not me." She let out a gentle laugh.

"You're got a point there Ryan. Have you been to see Eric?" The brunet shook his head.

"Not since the first time when we all saw him. I know he woke up and talked to you but then we got really wrapped up in the case. Did he say much?" Calleigh gently chewed on her lower lip trying to think how to approach this.

"He…he doesn't seem the same Ryan" she replied honestly, the worry leaking into her eyes. "And he didn't remember Marisol died. But he wasn't the Eric we know." 'And the Eric you love' she added silently. Inwardly, his hope that everything would be okay sank drastically.

"I…was planning on staying the night there," he admitted quietly after a few moments of somber silence. "Maybe…he was just really disoriented from all the drugs they've pumped into him." Calleigh offered a one-shoulder shrug.

"I hope so Ryan…but Alexx told me that amnesia is common with head injuries but there's no telling just how much he's forgotten or maybe just bits and pieces." Nodding, Ryan stood up and stuffed his hands in his pockets, Calleigh doing the same.

"I should get going. I'll be able to use my badge to get in there past visiting hours," Ryan explained in a soft voice, keeping his eyes on the ground. "I just hope that I get to talk to him for a few minutes…"

"If you remember, tell him that we all miss him." Calleigh paused for a moment. "And Ryan, if you need me to cover for you tomorrow, I can." This time, the small smile he managed was somewhat genuine.

"Thanks Calleigh. I owe you one."

--------------------After skillfully avoiding Horatio and then Eric's parents, Ryan finally managed to get into Eric's room undetected. He winced visibly at the sight of the bandage wrapped around his lover's head. This wasn't Eric, not this person lying there in the bed looking half dead. No, his lover was always moving, full of energy with life in his dark brown eyes and that sexy half smile he had used to charm Ryan in the beginning of their relationship. Moving quietly, he sat down in one of the empty chairs and gently took Eric's limp hands into one of his.

"Hey" he whispered, not wanting to wake the other CSI up from his much needed rest. "I've…missed you today." He brought the hand up closer to him and placed a gentle kiss on it. "I'm still holding you to that breakfast in bed that you promised this morning…You'd better not forget." Eric shifted slightly as though he was starting to wake up. Ryan placed his lover's hand back on the bed. "Calleigh's figured us out. I'm sorry…I swear I didn't say anything, but then again, you were the one always saying that we should tell people so I don't think you'd have a problem about it but I just wanted you to know." He took a deep breath and let out a sad laugh. "And I'm rambling again. I'm sorry Eric, so sorry. We've caught the guy; he's going to jail, if not getting the death penalty. I'm not sure how much of this you're actually hearing but we all miss you…you'd better get well fast so you can come home….the bed is going to seem to big and cold without you."

Ryan let out another sigh. "Again, I don't think you can hear me but it just makes me feel better being able to talk to you, makes me feel like you're more alive, like everything is back to normal and we're just sitting on the couch after work arguing over what movie to watch. Or you trying to convince me that no, the bathroom does not need cleaning again. I just wanted to know that…I really miss you." He looked away for a few seconds, blinking rapidly to keep the tears at bay that had built up from the time he had heard Eric had been shot. When he looked back, he was shocked to see a pair of tired brown eyes looking back at him. "Eric?" He blinked once, looking confused.

"Yeah…" he said in a rough voice. "And you…?" This comment caused Ryan to sit up straighter, his heart starting to beat a little faster as he felt panic settling into his mind again. This…this couldn't be happening. He couldn't handle this now on top of everything else.

"Don't you remember me?" he asked, trying to keep the panic out of his voice. He cleared his throat slightly, dreading the answer.

"No…not really" Eric murmured sleepily, turning his head the slightest bit towards Ryan. "I…your name is Ryan…I've seen you at a few of our scenes." At this comment, Ryan could swear that his heart dropped to the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces. Eric didn't remember their relationship. Eric barely remembered him, let alone the fact that they had been together for over a year.

"Yeah" he said, trying to offer a brave smile. "Except now I'm a CSI." Eric blinked once before seeming to accept this answer and drifted back to sleep.

Ryan stifled a sob of agony as he let his head drop forward, causing a lone tear to escape from his hazel eyes. When his heart broke, it triggered something else in his brain. His thoughts were now telling him that he could not force this relationship on Eric. No, he would pretend that it had never existed no matter how much it hurt. Tonight, he would go and remove all evidence of his presence from Eric's apartment. Every photo, every piece of clothing, every sign that he had been practically living there for the past few months. Since Eric could no longer remember what had been between them, Ryan would forget to remember as well

Standing up, he placed a final soft kiss on Eric's forehead before angrily wiping away a few more tears that had fallen before turning away from his once lover and left the room.

TBC

a/n: While this could easily be left as a one-shot, I haven't decided whether to continue it or not. Depends on feedback I guess. Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

Authors note: Well…everyone seemed to like the first chapter….so here's a second one! I think I nearly made it within my two week estimate….hope everyone likes this one!

Summary: Spoilers for "Man Down" Kinda has an AU feel to it. Ryan goes to visit Eric after the case is closed.

Warnings: Spoilers for man down, slash

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. And, while I have not seen any other stories like this, this is my take on the idea; any resemblance to other stories is sheer coincidence.

'thoughts' "talking" ---------: scene change

------------

Something wasn't right. Something hadn't been right ever since the first night at the hospital. Eric felt restless and incomplete. As if the doctors, while trying to see what damage the bullet had done, had broken something in mind into a bunch of puzzle pieces. And now that he was trying to put the puzzle back together, he discovered that some pieces were missing.

Eric was not stupid. He knew whatever he was missing was probably still rattling around in his head…he just couldn't figure out what it was. His doctor had told him that experiencing mental holes was perfectly normal and that his patchy (at best) memory should come back to him. However, the doctor couldn't say when. The dark haired man sighed tiredly as he shifted slightly on the uncomfortable hospital bed. He was cranky and fed up with this whole situation. He couldn't believe that he had nearly died because some idiot wanted to pay off his car! His head was constantly aching and whenever he had a lapse in thought and moved his leg suddenly, the pain intensified. Overall, Eric just wanted to go home…well home to his parent's house because they were not letting him out of their sight for at least another two weeks.

While Eric loved his mother fiercely, the hovering was starting to get on his already frayed nerves. All he wanted was to go back to work as soon as possible and find those damned missed pieces. A soft knock came from his doorway and he looked up, eager for a distraction.

"Hey Eric" Calleigh said with a small smile seeing that she had Eric's attention. "You up for a visitor?" Eric managed a small half-smile in return.

"You don't always have to knock Cal" he replied, voice hoarse. The blonde merely smiled.

"Well I for one don't want to walk in on anything that I don't need to see," she teased, entering the room and sitting down in the uncomfortable chair beside his bed. "I've seen some of those looks that those nurses have been giving you!" Eric tried to laugh, but it came out sounding flat causing Calleigh to frown. "Eric?"

"Sorry Calleigh…I don't think I'll be very good company today" he replied, closing his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Besides the hole in my leg, the hole in my head and the hole in my memory, nothing" he replied bitterly.

"Eric, you were shot in the head. I think you memory is allowed a little down time." He opened his eyes slightly, ignoring the burning sensation of built-up tears.

"I understand that but it's just so damn frustrating" he said, voice cracking with emotion. "Not everything is missing…I couldn't remember that Mari had died, couldn't remember going down to Brazil… Hell, I barely remember Speed's death!" He let out a deep breath, trying to control himself. "Cal…I don't even remember if I know how to do my job anymore and I have the stupid lawsuit to worry about…"

"Well, that's one thing you remember at least" the blonde CSI said, trying to lighten the moment. Eric wasn't the only one having trouble holding emotion in. He shot her an un-amused look. "Well, until you remember, you can just ask me, or Alexx, or Horatio, or Ryan to fill in the hole." She managed a small grin. "I imagine that Ryan will be especially helpful."

This comment confused Eric greatly. "What are you talking about? I don't even know the guy…didn't even remember that he was a CSI." It took all of Calleigh's strength not to let her jaw drop open in horror as things mentally fell into place; Ryan's mood for the past week, his excuses when it came to questions about Eric, it all now made sense. Eric didn't remember his own boyfriend and she knew that Ryan, the loveable idiot that he was, wouldn't say a damn word to Eric about anything. Her horror then turned to anger.

"Calleigh?" Eric's voice jolted her out of her thoughts. "Is something wrong?"

"No, well, yes but don't worry. I'm about to go take care of it," she said through a tight smile as she stood up. "Any clue as to when you'll be getting out of here?"

"Soon I think" Eric replied with a half shrug. "They took me off the good drugs yesterday so I'm assuming I'll be kicked out within the next couple of days."

"Well that's good."

"Says the person who wasn't on the good drugs," the CSI said dryly. Calleigh laughed and bent down to place a friendly kiss on Eric's cheek.

"I'll see you later" she said softly before exiting the room. As soon as she was out of the hospital, she took out her cell phone and dialed.

"Hey Alexx, it's Calleigh…. Yeah, I just came from visiting him…. Do you know where Ryan is?" She paused and a grim smile grew on her face. "Good, keep him with you until I get there. We need to have a talk with him."

-------------------------

Ryan frowned slightly as Calleigh walked into Alexx's office and glared darkly at him. "Calleigh?" he asked hesitantly. "Any particular reason why you had Alexx hold me hostage?" Still glaring, the blonde CSI took a seat in a chair beside Alexx.

"Yes, I needed her to get you to a spot where I could yell at you in private. What were you thinking Ryan?!" she said tersely.

"Calleigh, honey, maybe you could explain what exactly you're talking about" the coroner replied quietly, placing a hand on Calleigh's arm. This touch caused Calleigh to take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"I'm talking about the fact that this idiot right here hasn't told Eric about their relationship!" Ryan paled slightly. Alexx frowned before turning to look at Ryan.

"Ryan, is that true?" Sensing that no matter what he said he would still get in trouble, Ryan adverted his gaze.

"It's not like that…" he replied quietly, wringing his hands together. "It's not like that at all…"

"That's what it seems like Ryan!" Calleigh replied, clearly upset. "I told Eric that you could help him and he asked me why because he seemed to barely know you!" Ryan closed his eyes and let out a tired sigh.

"He doesn't remember me Cal," he said thickly after a few minutes of tense silence.

"So? He hasn't lost any memories, just misplaced them. I'm sure if you were to tell him that…" She trailed off as the young CSI finally looked up at her with a dead look in his hazel eyes.

"No" he replied firmly.

"Why not Ryan?" the blonde asked, sounding frustrated. "Eric knows that someone is missing from his life…it's driving him crazy."

"No" he repeated, moving to stand up. "I won't do that to him."

"Do what baby?" Alexx asked softly. "He hasn't stopped loving you even if he doesn't remember everything."

"You don't understand…" he murmured, moving towards the door.

"What's not to understand?" Calleigh said sounding confused as she stood up as well. "You two are both miserable without each other. Anyone can see that."

"I can't remind him of what we have," Ryan said darkly. "He deserves a chance to have a normal life…this is a chance for him to start over!"

"Don't you think you should let Eric decide that for himself?" Alexx asked, eyes narrowing. "If you're not going to tell him, maybe one of us should." At this, Ryan turned around, panic clear in his eyes.

"No" he practically shouted. He took a deep breath and continued in a softer voice, looking down at the ground again. "You can't, I won't let you."

"Ryan…" Calleigh said, moving towards the brunet. "I don't see what you're so afraid of."

"Don't you guys see the pattern? He doesn't remember his own sister dying, he doesn't remember Brazil, barely remembers Speed dying…he's blocked out all painful memories." He took another deep breath before looking back up at his two friends. "And since he doesn't remember our relationship, that must be painful as well." The two other occupants let out simultaneous gasps of surprise before they both started to speak at once.

"Ryan, you couldn't possibly think that…"

"Baby, I hardly think that's the reason…"

"Just stop" he said, sounding exhausted. "Please…just, leave this alone." With that said, he quickly left Alexx's office, struggling to hold his tears. Why couldn't they just understand?

TBC

Thanks for reading…I'm aiming to have another chapter up within the next two weeks if all goes well.

Hopefully I caught all the typos, if not, just let me know and I'll fix them!


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: Uh…I'm sorry for the near month wait? I didn't mean for it to be that long but I had a lot of schoolwork to do and then this chapter did not want to be written. I'm not completely satisfied with it, but it'll have to do. Had this chapter ready like 4 days ago but the site was being stupid. Hopefully these instructions I got from another story I read works! 

Summary: Spoilers for "Man Down" AU, kinda. Ryan goes to visit Eric after the case is closed. 

Warnings: Spoilers for "Man Down", slash, itty bitty spoilers for any episodes after "Man Down" 

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. And, while I have not seen any other stories like this, this is my take on the idea; any resemblance to other stories is sheer coincidence. 

'thoughts' "talking" --------- scene change 

This chapter takes place approx. 3-4 weeks after Eric is released from the hospital. ---------- 

If he had thought being cooped up in the hospital was bad, being stuck in the lab with every single pair of eyes on him was even worse. Well, nearly every pair of eyes on him, everyone except Ryan. He seemed to go out of his way to avoid Eric and when he did approach Eric, he kept his eyes adverted and sentences short and cold. This attitude, plus his swiss cheese memory, had Eric turning to Calleigh for an explanation. 

"Did Wolfe and I ever get along?" he asked the blonde CSI as she came into the break room. "Or would it be better to avoid him completely?" He held his breath as Calleigh contemplated on how to answer that question. He hoped that she would say that him and Ryan had been friends before and were just in a rough patch. If she said that he and Ryan had never gotten along, it would cause Eric to revise his plan slightly. 

"You and Ryan were…" she paused, trying to think just how mad Ryan would become if she told Eric the truth. "Well, let's just say it's complicated." 

"Complicated?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow. 

"Well, he replaced Speed and that was hard on all of us…and then there was that reporter…Why don't you just ask him yourself?" 

"Because he's avoiding me. That's why I thought there might have been a problem between us" Eric said with a small sigh. "And it's not like I can just go and tackle him so that he'll talk to me…not until I've gotten rid of this thing." He gestured to the cane that was resting against the wall behind him. The bullet wound in his leg was healing slowly and his doctor had wanted him to use it until he could walk normally without pain. He had another doctors appointment after shift and he hoped that the doctor would clear him for field duty again, or even to be able to live by himself. 

Calleigh's eyes widened slightly as a mental image of Eric tackling Ryan took over her mind. Maybe things weren't so hopeless after all. She would have to tell Alexx there was a possibility that on some subconscious level, Eric remembered Ryan. "To make a long story short, you two eventually worked things out." He nodded, smiling slightly. "I'll talk to him if you want." 

"No, it's okay Cal. I'll eventually catch him and find out what the hell his problem is," Eric replied, grinning. "It's only a matter of time." And really, it was. To put it simply, Eric was attracted to Ryan. His curiosity was enticed by the mystery that was Ryan Wolfe and he wanted nothing more than to untangle that mystery. He wanted Ryan and what Eric wanted, he got. He smirked inwardly. This was going to be fun. ----------- 

Eric let out a soft sigh as he closed the door of his apartment behind him and leaned against the door heavily. He was finally alone and took his time appreciating the comforting silence. He had seen his doctor earlier that day and nearly cheered when he finally declared Eric fit enough to be living by himself. However, Eric knew that he would not be alone for long. Soon enough, one of his co-workers or family members would make up some kind of excuse to come over and visit him. Grimacing, he pushed himself upright and limped slightly towards the living room. If his mother was going to come over, he was going to have to clean up his place a bit. 

"I don't even want to see the size the dust bunnies have grown to since I haven't been here," he muttered darkly. He had never been the best at keeping his apartment clean when he was there daily. He expected by now to see mutant dust bunnies planning a revolution in his living room, but instead found that it was sparkling clean. The dark-haired CSI's jaw dropped. "What the…." 

Every surface was shiny and brand-new looking, all of his various magazines had been straightened into two neat piles instead of just being tossed all over the place and the pillows on his couch had been fluffed and arranged in perfect order. This cleanliness puzzled Eric to no end. Either his mother had been here, which was physically impossible since she had spent nearly every waking moment by Eric or else he was a clean freak and had forgotten about that part of himself. 

Sighing, he decided that it wasn't worth worrying about for now and walked over to his bookshelf in order to get a better look at the pictures that were lined up there. From what he could remember, he had never been the type of person to put pictures up which made him wonder if Calleigh or Alexx had had a hand in the clean state of his apartment and the spontaneous appearance of pictures. There were a few expected ones such as pictures of him and his family, him and Mari (he had to swallow a few tears at the sight of that one), but one that caught his attention immediately. It was a picture of him and Ryan; heads close in conversation and Eric's hand placed almost possessively on Ryan's shoulder. It was clearly a candid shot as neither of them were facing the camera but Eric was drawn to it. He had seen the same picture in his locker when he first came back. The image had been the first clue to Eric, that, contrary to Ryan's attitude, they had been friends and good ones by the looks of it. It was also the first thing that convinced Eric that his crusade to rekindle the friendship and then turn it into something more was not as farfetched as he originally thought. 

'Patience' he reminded himself silently, moving away from the pictures and towards the kitchen to see what leftover his mother had sent home with him. 'I have to be patient with him…one step at a time or you might scare him off.' ----------- 

Horatio let out a tired sigh as he hung up his phone. He hated having to send Ryan to a construction scene but he had no one else. Calleigh and him were already working another case, Eric was not ready to work a scene alone yet and since Valera was backed up in DNA, Natalia was giving her a hand for the next few shifts. His thoughts were interrupted by a soft knock on his partially closed door. "Yes?" Calleigh stuck her head in, folder in hand. 

"Are you busy? I can come back later," she said, smiling brightly. The redheaded man waved her in. 

"No, I just got off the phone with Ryan about a new scene" he replied, managing a small smile of his own. "I'm guessing by your smile that you have good news?" She nodded and sat down in one of the chairs in front of Horatio's desk. 

"Yup, ballistics got a match and Frank is bringing in the suspect as we speak. Turned out the best friend hadn't told us everything." He nodded, having already suspected that. 

"Good, once we're done here, would you go give Ryan a hand? It's a dead body at a construction site and he could be there for several hours if he doesn't get some help." Calleigh started to reply with a 'yes' and then paused as a thought entered her brain. 

"Horatio, are you aware of the…situation between Ryan and Eric?" she asked hesitantly. She knew that Horatio was observant but even so, she also didn't want to be responsible for outing her two friends. It was bad enough that she was going behind Ryan's back like this; she didn't need to dig herself into a deeper hole. However, much to her relief, her boss smiled knowingly. 

"I've known for awhile. Those two are not always subtle" he replied. "And Alexx has filled me in on the details." 

"Good because I think you should send Eric to work with Ryan then. The doctor has cleared him for most things and it's a secured scene…it'll force the two of them to at least talk and hopefully things will progress from there" Calleigh explained, eyes sparkling with mischief. Instead of offering a verbal reply, Horatio offered another smile as he picked up his phone and dialed. 

"Eric? Do you think you're ready to try a crime scene? Really? Good." -------- 

Ryan looked around the scene as he tried to figure out where to start taking pictures. He was feeling more than a little uncomfortable being at a construction site. Horatio had sounded slightly apologetic over the phone, though how his boss had known that being around anything remotely related to nail guns made Ryan wary was baffling him. He glanced up as he heard another car pull up to the scene and barely held back a groan as Eric slowly climbed out of the Hummer. 

'The world is against me' he thought bitterly, trying to pretend that he was engrossed in putting new film in his camera as Eric walked towards him. It wasn't that Ryan didn't want to be around Eric; it was that he wanted to be around Eric too much. It had to be some form of torture, to be so close to someone you love and yet not allowed to touch them, or even talk to them the way you had once upon a time. 'You did this to yourself' he mused grimly, hands shaking slightly as he attempted to put the film in. 'You could have told him when he woke up and then you could be together, like before. No more cold, lonely nights, no more sleepless nights, no more nightmares of Eric dying…you could have prevented this.' Teeth clenched, Ryan quieted his wayward thoughts and pulled his focus back to the crime scene. 

"Hey" Eric greeted him softly. Ryan nodded in response, not trusting himself to speak at the moment. "What have we got?" 

"Body was found an hour ago by a worker. Looks like a stabbing to me" the brunette replied briefly, finally getting the film in correctly and standing up from his crouched position. "Alexx is on her way here. Did you want the perimeter or the body?" 

Eric blinked, still not used to Ryan's cold, brisk attitude towards him. It just didn't feel…right. He could see Ryan growing impatient as he struggled to make a decision. Could he trust himself not to make a mistake? Or could he make himself believe that his double vision, which popped up at the most inconvenient times, wouldn't cause him to miss anything? 

"I'll take the body," he decided, finally reasoning that if he missed anything, Alexx would at least be checking it over again. Ryan nodded, pinching the bridge of this nose as he felt a headache building behind his eyes. He wanted to end this torture, fast. "You okay Wolfe?" 

"Yeah, just a headache" he said shortly. "Let's just get this done, okay?" Eric frowned slightly as some foggy memory danced out of his reach. Something to do with nails…and Ryan. He barely managed to hold back a gasp as it became clear. 

"Your eye!" Eric blurted out and Ryan finally looked up at him, confusion clearly evident in his hazel eyes. 

"What about it?" 

Eric paused, trying to sort the muddled images. "It's...is it okay? The nail didn't hit anything important, did it?" he asked worriedly, resisting the urge to go over and check Ryan out. Ryan looked even more confused. 

"Uh Eric, that was over a year ago" he replied quietly, trying to quiet his pounding heart. If Eric remembered the nail incident, what else would he remember? Not for the first time, he wondered if he had done the right thing by lying to Eric. "And I'm fine…" 'Now' he added silently. 

There had been some frightening moments during the healing process, like the infection that could have taken his sight and the car accident that had finally pushed him to go to the doctor. All of this on top of struggling to figure out what exactly was between him and Eric. The Latino CSI had made his move shortly after Ryan had gotten home from the hospital. Ryan had balked at first, believing that this was some cruel joke by Eric. He had never once believed that a gorgeous man like Eric could ever like someone so plain as he was. However, Eric wouldn't take no for an answer and slowly, he had wormed his way into every aspect of Ryan's life. At first, Ryan couldn't imagine living a day with Eric, now he couldn't bear to live a few hours without him. 

"A year?" Eric asked, breaking Ryan's train of thought. "What happened exactly?" 

"A lady trying to hide the murder weapon, in this case the nail gun, got scared when I came in to search the place and shot me. You came and took me to the hospital." 

"I…did" he murmured, amazed at the fact that he had managed to hold onto the fuzzy memory. "Yeah, I remember now." Ryan managed the smallest of smiles. 

"Good, Alexx will be thrilled" he said dryly, knowing that she had been hovering over his former lover. Eric rolled his eyes, happy that Ryan seemed to be relaxing slightly around him. 

"I'm almost tempted not to tell her…or my mother" he replied darkly. "I don't know how much longer I can take it from those two." 

"Well, just be glad they haven't teamed up." 

"Don't even say that!" Eric said, a horrified look on his face. "Don't even think that Wolfe. Because if that happens, you are going to face them with me." 

Ryan let out a short laugh that surprised the both of them. Ryan had forgotten that he was with the new Eric and not the old Eric. Red-faced, Ryan turned away as he silently berated himself. Eric looked away as well, not wanting to show Ryan how much that small laugh had shown him that it wasn't hopeless after all. He picked up his kit and prepared to walk over to the body before stopping and turning back with a determined look on his face. 

"Ryan?" 

"Yeah Delko?" 

"I know you're probably busy, but Calleigh and I were going to go out after shift and get a couple of beers. Did you want to come?" 

'Say no, say no' the more rational part of his brain commanded. "Only if we get a good start on this case" Ryan answered, trying to sound calm as his brain fairly screamed 'idiot' at him. Eric offered him a dazzling smile before heading back towards the body. Seeing the new Eric grin like the old one had caused Ryan's stomach to flip-flop. He was in so much trouble… 

TBC 

Ok, this story has now taken on a life of it's own now. There were only supposed to be 4 chapters and now it's looking to be 5 or 6. Again, so sorry for the wait! Hopefully the next chapter will be out soon, but no promises though since I'm heading into exams. 

Oh, as for the picture in Eric's apartment, one of the reviewers (I am so sorry, your name has slipped my mind at this moment) suggested that Calleigh or Alexx should leave a picture in Eric's apartment. Now, I'm not saying that they did that for sure, but there's a good possibility that they did ☺ Thank you for the idea! 

Wishful Thinker 


	4. Chapter 4

Author's note: I offer my apologies for the 6 month wait. I had to move back home from school and then was really sick for awhile. But things seem to be back on track now and the next chapter, which will be the last one, is more than halfway done. I can guarantee that it won't be done for next week (too much school stuff to do) but more than likely the week after that. So, again I apologize for the really long wait. Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Summary: Spoilers for "Man Down" AU, kinda. Ryan goes to visit Eric after the case is closed.

Warnings: Spoilers for "Man Down", slash, itty bitty spoilers for any episodes after "Man Down"

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. And, while I have not seen any other stories like this, this is my take on the idea; any resemblance to other stories is sheer coincidence.

'thoughts' "talking" --------- scene change

This chapter takes places a couple of months after the last one.

-------------

In hindsight, Ryan should have seen this coming. There had to have been at least ten different clues in the past couple of days that he could have picked up on if he had only been paying attention.

The first time him, Eric and Calleigh had all gone out together had been more than a little awkward. Calleigh had tried too hard to keep up a conversation while Ryan, afraid to say anything in case his subconscious took over and spilled everything to Eric, stayed silent. Needless to say, it had been an absolute disaster and Ryan had figured that it would never happen again. However, Calleigh and Alexx were more persistent than he had originally thought and had invited both he and Eric out to various places and slowly, the awkwardness of their first outing together was worn down and Ryan could even go so far to say that he and Eric had built some sort of quasi-friendship. He didn't even get that nervous around Eric anymore, just as long as he wasn't left alone with his former lover.

This was what was going to make tonight hell for Ryan. Over the past couple of months, the desire to blurt out their former relationship to Eric was overwhelming. But just as soon as Ryan had made up his mind to do so, he would then notice just how happy Eric was and then stuffed this need back into the darkest corners of his mind. Looking up at the doors to the restaurant, Ryan finally saw Eric enter. He hesitantly lifted his arm and waved slightly to get Eric's attention. This worked and his friend slid past one crowd of people and proceeded to make his way over to Ryan.

Ryan frowned slightly as Eric got closer to the table, lines of tension easily visible on his forehead. He knew Eric had been suffering from headaches lately and this looked to be a bad one. Worry overriding his anger about being setup, Ryan stood to greet Eric.

"Hey" he said weakly before clearing his throat. "You okay? You don't look that great." Eric managed a small, tired smirk for the brunette before sitting down at the table, Ryan quickly following suit.

"Thanks for the compliment" Eric replied, trying to put a teasing lilt to his voice so that Ryan would know he was only being sarcastic. Instead, Ryan's frown only deepened.

"Another headache?" he guessed, trying not to sound overly concerned even as his thoughts were racing around, already theorizing what exactly could be wrong with Eric. Could the bullet have shifted and was now pressing against something vital? Maybe these headaches were a sign that Eric's memory was returning? But if that was true, Eric would have said something by now. Ryan had first recognized the signs (lines of tension on Eric's forehead, eyes squinting slightly) over a month and a half ago.

"Yeah" Eric replied, startling Ryan out of his thoughts. "But it's getting better now." He offered what he hoped was a somewhat seductive smile to the brunette sitting across from him. "I wonder why…maybe because of your company." Ryan blushed involuntarily and adverted his eyes. It was getting harder and harder to resister Eric's flirtatious suggestions and physical advancements. Nothing big, just a gentle hand placed on Ryan's shoulder from time to time, adding a gentle squeeze when he was upset about something. His thoughts then shifted from worrying to trying to keep his nerves about being around Eric alone in check.

"Alexx and Calleigh not here yet?" Eric asked quickly, sensing from Ryan's facial expressions and movements that he was getting nervous so he better change the subject quickly before Ryan decided to bolt or something.

The CSI shook his head. "No, we've been ditched by the both of them. Calleigh called me and said that she still had a lot of work to do on her case and Alexx said that she had a family thing come up" he explained dryly. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say they planned this."

Eric struggled to hide his wide grin as a waiter approached their table and asked if they were ready to order. He might have suggested to Calleigh and Alexx that he had wanted to be alone with Ryan. He also might have mentioned that since Ryan seemed slightly more comfortable around him, tonight might be a good night to have a more private dinner with, if all things worked out, his soon-to-be lover. And it was certainly not his hints that he had dropped earlier that day that had caused both Alexx and Calleigh to cancel. Having tackled this first obstacle, he mentally moved onto the second: trying to keep Ryan from becoming too nervous and deciding to leave.

-------------

Half an hour later, Eric sighed as Ryan fidgeted in his seat once again. "Look, I know we've been setup and I can tell that you're uncomfortable being here alone with me so you can leave if you want to" he said bluntly but then offered the brunette a small smile. "I'll even promise that I won't tell Calleigh or Alexx that you left early." Ryan froze at this comment before offering a small smile of his own back.

"No Eric, it's not you…well, uh, it sort of is because of you but not the way you're, uh…" Ryan paused, not sure how to fix the awkwardness between him and his ex-lover. "I'm making a total mess of things." Eric agreed with a small nod and motioned with a hand for Ryan to try again. "I just…don't know how to talk to you. I don't want to say anything insensitive." A light pink blush decorated his cheeks. "I do that a lot without realizing it."

"I promise I won't take offense to anything you say" Eric replied, trying to hold back a laugh. "Just talk to me like you did before."

'I wish I could' Ryan thought sadly before sitting up straighter and managing to look Eric in the eye for the first time that night. "All right, I'm holding you to that though." The Latino CSI offered his partner his lopsided smirk, happy to be able to see those amazing green eyes again.

"You do that" he murmured, more to himself than Ryan, who had started to hesitantly talk about something. Eric really didn't care about the subject, he simply let Ryan's voice wash over his body, soothing every nerve and worry from a long day's work.

----------

Since Ryan had taken a cab to the restaurant, Eric had offered to drive him home. They had spent a pleasant 2 hours finishing their supper and talking before each indulging in overpriced desserts. While Ryan had chatted nervously through the entire evening, Eric had been more content to sit back and listen. His headache from earlier that evening had disappeared and he was quite pleased with the fact that he had gotten Ryan all to himself for a whole evening without having to tie the brunette to his chair or tackling him to the ground if Ryan had tried to make a break for it. Not that these situations wouldn't be interesting, but there would be plenty of other times to explore these kinds of ideas. Preferably when Ryan wasn't sitting in the car next to him, still rambling away with Eric nodding and agreeing occasionally.

Ryan blinked a few minutes later, suddenly going quiet as Eric swung his car into the driveway in front of Ryan's house. "Uh…did I tell you where I lived?" he asked, confused as to how Eric knew. He glanced over only to find an equally confused look on the other CSI's face.

"You didn't tell me" he murmured, slipping the shift into park. "And I haven't driven you home before…so maybe it was just something that I subconsciously remembered." At this comment, it was Ryan's turn to remember that this wasn't his Eric.

He gulped silently as Eric, who he mentally referred to sometimes when he desperately needed to put distance between reality and his memories as the non-Eric, turned to face him. This time, Ryan found himself not able to look away from Eric's soulful brown eyes. It was out of sheer habit that he didn't pull back from Eric when he reached up and cupped Ryan's cheek gently with a hand, thumb moving back and forth ever so slowly across the smooth skin. "I had fun tonight Ryan" he murmured, keep his movements slow and voice soft as to not frighten him away. Ryan merely blinked, his mind screaming at him to get out of the car right now but his body didn't seem to be listening. If anything, his muscles relaxed slightly under Eric's touch, leaning towards it rather than pulling back.

Shifting closer, Eric moved so that his face was mere inches from Ryan's, his words blowing soft puff of hot air over the brunette's lips. "I like you" he nearly whispered, placing his other hand on Ryan's shoulder. "And I want you Ryan. And what I want, I get." With that, he closed the final distance and gently pressed his lips to Ryan's. Ryan responded automatically with a near silent moan as the heat from the kiss spread throughout his body and out of habit he opened his lips slightly, allowing Eric to deepen the kiss at his desire which he did a few short second later, tongue gently tangling with Ryan's, before caressing the inside of the brunette's mouth as though mapping out foreign territory.

It was then that the panic in Ryan's head finally kicked in full force and he pulled back with a sharp gasp, shivering slightly as want and need coursed through his body. "I…I can't" he stuttered, fumbling for the door handle. "No, just….leave Eric. Please." Finally, he got it opened and bolted out of the car and into his house.

-------------

Ryan's heart pounded frantically as he escaped into his house and slammed his door shut before sagging back against it. This was all so confusing. Eric didn't remember their previous relationship…or at least Ryan thought Eric didn't remember. He didn't think Eric could tease him like that so if Eric didn't remember, then he was trying to start another relationship with him. That would imply that even though Eric didn't remember, he still wanted to pursue Ryan. Ryan's hand drifted up to his kiss-swollen lips, his mind still trying to grasp the fact that the non-Eric still wanted him. Wincing at the headache building up behind his eyes, the brunette pushed himself upright and headed for the bathroom. He would not allow himself to hope that on some subconscious level Eric did remember. One day, he might remember but until then Ryan simply had to avoid Eric…and ignore his advances. This was not going to be easy.

It was a couple of days later before Ryan found himself back at the lab. His two days off had been anything but relaxing. He couldn't stop thinking about the kiss and was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't hear the footsteps approaching him from behind.

"Mr. Wolfe?"

Startled, Ryan managed not to call out but did jump a little at the sound of his boss's voice before craning his head over his shoulder to look at Horatio. "Sorry, did you need something H?" he asked curiously.

"I've just gotten word that the suspect in your current case may have been back at the crime scene. It would be a good idea to go and see if he left anymore evidence this time around" Horatio replied in an even tone. Ryan nodded in agreement, before closing his locker door and turning around fully.

"All right. There wasn't much before so hopefully this time around he wasn't as smart and we'll be able to get him off the streets" the brunette agreed, managing to put a small smile on his face. He turned to walk out of the locker room but stopped when Horatio put a hand on his shoulder.

"I'll go with you" the red-head added, as if he sensed that Ryan was more than a little distracted today. Ryan simply shrugged and nodded again, not questioning why Horatio had decided to tag along. He was more than happy for the help since the crime scene was rather large and at least it wasn't Eric helping because he knew that if he had to work with the Latino CSI any time soon, things would not work out well.

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As soon as Calleigh put the Hummer in park in the CSI parking lot, she stretched her arms forward slightly in order to try and work some of the kinks out of her upper back. 'That crime scene was brutal' she thought, wincing slightly as something popped back into place. Four hours of bending and squatting to take photos and collect evidence could wreck havoc on anybody. She reached to turn off the car when her police radio suddenly crackled to life.

"This is Lieutenant Horatio Cane. I need back up at 345 Rivergrove Street. Shots fired. Officer down, I repeat, Officer down."

TBC

Let me know if you see any spelling or grammar mistakes. I typed this up really quickly before class so there's probably something wrong, lol. Thanks for reading.

Wishful Thinker


	5. Chapter 5

Author's note: Sorry everyone, RL decided to throw so much stuff at me at once that writing took a back seat to it. This is the last chapter. I'm not particularly happy with it but it's been hanging around my computer for long enough now. I would like to thank everyone who read and the people who stuck around to the very end. So, thank you! Also, if you spot any mistakes, please point them out!

Summary: Spoilers for "Man Down" AU, kinda. Ryan goes to visit Eric after the case is closed.

Warnings: Spoilers for "Man Down", slash, itty bitty spoilers for any episodes after "Man Down" Also, a humungous amount of scmoop in this chapter. I do apologize for that…it kind of got away from me near the end.

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. And, while I have not seen any other stories like this, this is my take on the idea; any resemblance to other stories is sheer coincidence.

'thoughts' "talking" --------- scene change

Ch.5.

Eric swore his heart stopped for a second as Calleigh uttered 3 words he hoped to never hear. "Ryan's been hurt." Realizing that the blonde was still speaking, he dragged his mind back to reality, struggling to hold the need to panic back.

"I don't know how bad it is," Calleigh continued, trying to stay calm for Eric's sake. "All I know if that he and Horatio were going to pick up a suspect. Details are really fuzzy…there were some shots fired but nobody is confirming anything."

Eric winced as a sharp pain shot across his head. "Let's get to the hospital then" he said thickly as his vision doubled for the first time in a few weeks. He looked up at Calleigh who was staring at him, looking worried. "What?" he ground out through clenched teeth, not caring that Calleigh really didn't deserve that tone of voice.

She shook her head quickly, not wanting to push her friend anymore. She grabbed his arm under the pretense of dragging him to the elevator but in reality, Eric looked like he was going to faint and she really didn't need to deal with that at the lab. 'Eric can faint all he wants when we get to the hospital' she thought grimly. 'Preferably right into Ryan's bed. Let's see those idiots ignore that!'

"What happened Horatio?" Calleigh asked softly, sitting down beside Eric and placing a hand his knee. They had gotten to the hospital in record time with her driving and Eric had rushed in, only to be denied any access to information about Ryan. Frustrated and confused, he had turned to find Horatio waiting there along with Calleigh.

"We went back to the scene to see if there was any more evidence. The suspect appeared on the scene and ran," Horatio explained, drawing a hand over his face. "From what I could put together, Ryan caught up with him but the suspect pulled out a gun and shot at Mr. Wolfe. It was a wild shot but it caused Ryan to move without thinking and stumbled. They were near a construction site and Ryan fell heavily into a pile of scraps. I'm assuming that he broke his arm in the fall but there was a board with some nails in it and they punctured his upper arm."

Eric swallowed heavily, thoughts swarming out of control as his mind tried to process everything. 'What day is it?' he thought frantically, trying to get thinks make sense. 'Why wouldn't the hospital give me information on Ryan?' He knew that he was listed as the brunette's emergency contact and vice versa.

"Eric?" Calleigh asked gently, as though not to startle him. He turned towards her, wincing as the pounding in his head increased.

"Calleigh…" he murmured, looking dazed. "Why won't the doctors give me any information? We're…we're each others emergency contacts." Calleigh exchanged a frightened look with Horatio.

"Eric, are you feeling okay?" the blonde asked hesitantly.

"No, my head hurts" he whispered, eyes closing. "Calleigh, what day is it?"

She exchanged another look with her boss and Horatio nodded in understanding before standing to go and find a doctor. Calleigh squeezed Eric's knee gently, trying to provide some reassurance.

---------

The doctor walked out of the exam room only to be pounced on by one CSI and one medical examiner who arrived while the doctor had been in with Eric. "Is Eric all right?" Calleigh demanded.

"He's a little confused and has a moderate headache but he seems to have filled in whatever gaps there were in his memory" the doctor replied calmly. "Mr. Delko's memories from the past months are a little fuzzy but I'm pretty sure that once he sorts everything out, those memories will clear up." He offered the group a small smile. "If you'll excuse me, I promised him that I would check on Mr. Wolfe." Murmured thank yous were exchanged before the group entered the cubicle.

Eric glanced up from his seated position on the bed. "Does everyone know?" he asked hesitantly. Calleigh smiled brightly before pulling her friend into a hug.

"Honey, we all knew before the accident" Alexx replied, hugging Eric after Calleigh had stepped back. "You two, especially you, are not subtle."

Eric managed a weak smirk. "Yeah, well, I guess it would have come out sooner or later." His smirk faded slightly. "So, what happened exactly? Why won't they give me information about Ryan? One of the first things we did was change our contact information."

A look was passed between the other 3 people in the room. With a final hug from Alexx and a squeeze on Eric's shoulder from Horatio, they left the room and Calleigh sat down beside Eric and took one of his hands between hers. Taking a deep breath, she began to explain.

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Eric scowled slightly as he hurriedly wiped a stray tear from his cheek. How could Ryan think that he could have ever forgotten what they had together? His subconscious had clearly not forgotten if what Calleigh was saying was true and he had been actively pursuing Ryan the entire time his memory was gone.

"The worst part about this whole thing?" Eric said quietly, turning to face his friend. "I can't be angry with him because what he did was perfectly logical in his mind!" Calleigh smiled softly.

"Don't worry Eric. He had to put up with Alexx and me. I think that's punishment enough." Eric grinned in agreement but said nothing. Though his memories of the past several months were fuzzy, he could only begin to imagine all the mothering and scheming Ryan had had to endure. He glanced down at his watch, frowning. Alexx had come back about half an hour ago to tell them that Ryan was now in a room but asleep. Eric knew that any kind of heavy-duty painkiller would knock Ryan out completely but he really wanted to at least see him tonight, if only to reassure himself that his lover was still alive.

"Come on Eric" Calleigh said, interrupting her friend's thoughts as she hopped off the bed. "I know you won't rest until you see him so go for a few minutes tonight and tomorrow, after you both get a goodnight's sleep, you can come back."

-------

Eric let out a soft sigh as he leaned against the doorway to Ryan's hospital room, listening to Alexx lecture his young lover. He smiled as Ryan used every technique to try and pursuade her to go home, only to fail miserably. He glanced up once he heard the chair behind the curtain scrape on the floor and watched Alexx come towards him, a wary look in her brown eyes.

"How is he?" Eric asked softly, not wanting to wake Ryan in case he had fallen asleep.

"Alive and grumpy" she replied with a watery smile. "That's good enough for me. He's just resting right now if you want to go in and see him." He nodded, uncrossing his arms and standing up straight. "Just…don't' hurt him Eric, please." Eric offered her his trademark smirk, something that had been missing for a while now.

"Don't worry Alexx, I won't do anything to harm your baby," he teased, eyes sparkling before he brushed past her and disappeared behind the curtain. The coroner stared after him, a large smile on her face.

"Welcome back Eric…. you sure took your time, but you've come back to us."

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Eric studied his pale lover critically, taking in every detail of the heavy plaster cast that covered his right arm up to his elbow and the bandages that covered the rest to his shoulder. Besides that and a few bruises decorating Ryan's face, he looked ok…healthy…alive, and that was the most important thing to him right now. He felt awful that he could forget their long time relationship just like that; that he had made Ryan wait for several long months before he could put the pieces back together and see what he had forgotten. He sat down in the chair and cleared his throat slightly. Ryan's opened one sleepy hazel eye.

"Hey" he murmured, before closing it again. He was still feeling the after effects of the pain medication the doctors had given him.

"Hey" Eric replied softly, voice rough with emotion. "You like giving me heart attacks or something? Because I swear that my heart stopped when that call came in." His lover managed a tired laugh that sounded more like a sigh.

"Sorry…didn't mean to…" Reaching up, Eric smoothed a hand over Ryan's short hair, offering the brunette some tangible comfort.

"It's okay. I'll forgive you…" He didn't have the heart right now to make sure Ryan was fully awake to tell him the good news, he would wait until morning. "Get some sleep, okay?" Ryan bobbed his head up and down once before doing just that. Standing, Eric leaned over and brushed his lips past Ryan's before leaving the room.

---------------

"I thought I said that you were going to have nothing to do with nail guns anymore." Ryan glanced up at the sound of another voice and smiled slightly as Eric sauntered into the room with a paper bag in hand.

"Technically, it wasn't a nail gun…. it was a board with lots of nails in it. And trust me, we weren't expecting the guy to run, and then turn and attack us. Horatio's okay though, right?" Ryan replied dryly as Eric sat down on the chair beside his bed.

"Yeah, he's fine. Worried about you…we all were." Ryan blushed slightly and nodded towards the paper bag, curious.

"What's in there?" Eric flashed him a familiar grin.

"Breakfast. I do owe you breakfast in bed, don't I?" He continued, letting Ryan process what he had just said. "Sorry it's a little late, but better late than never." He watched as the expression on Ryan's face changed from confused, to shock and then crumpled into an unreadable one as everything fell into place.

Ryan was not crying. He refused to cry over the fact that Eric had appeared to have regained his memories. His eyes were simply leaking a little as relief flooded throughout him. And he certainly did not let out that quiet whimper of relief as Eric studied him.

"Shh" Eric murmured, moving to wrap his arms around Ryan, making sure not to hit his lover's cast. "I'm sorry that I left you alone." He felt Ryan drop his head against his shoulder and Eric placed a soft kiss on the top of Ryan's head before mimicking the position; forehead resting gently on Ryan's shoulder. A few minutes later, Ryan reluctantly pulled back, hastily wiping away the remnants of tears on his cheeks. Eric offered him a small smile before reaching up and cupping one pale cheek with a hand.

"I'm sorry" Eric apologized again. "I hope you realize that I would never have left on purpose." Managing a tiny smile, Ryan nodded.

"I realize that now Eric" the brunette replied quietly. "I'm sorry too."

"I know you are," he murmured, sighing inwardly. He wasn't angry with Ryan per say. In fact, Eric would have been surprised if he had acted in any other manner. They would eventually have to talk about what happened but not now. Not while Eric was trying to process everything that had happened in the past several months and not while Ryan was in pain.

"So the doctor says I can go home later today" Ryan spoke up a few minutes later, breaking Eric's train of thought.

"Really? That's good." He motioned for Ryan to move over on the bed so that he could sit and wrap and arm around Ryan's shoulder. He smirked inwardly as he felt Ryan relax into him instantly.

"Mhm, but only if I go home with someone, just to be safe."

"Subtle, you are not" Eric laughed. "How about this time, you move in with me and get rid of your apartment?"

"But…"

"Your original arguments won't work" Eric interrupted. "Really, everyone knows about us now, there's no reason to hide."

"What about your family?" Ryan countered weakly, already knowing that he was going to give in. Eric's smile widened and gestured to the breakfast he had brought with him.

"Who do you think helped me with breakfast?"

Ryan groaned, shifting carefully to rest his head on Eric's chest, soaking up the warmth his lover offered. "You win then. I'll move in."

Eric's grip tightened slightly, bringing Ryan's body closer to him as a response. "I knew you would see it my way eventually."

Smiling, Ryan closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. He knew that everything was far from over and he and Eric clearly had some things to discuss. But, for now, surrounded by Eric's warmth, he decided to forget to remember those lonely months and concentrate on remembering the present and the future.

The End


End file.
